"Will You Marry Me?"
Written by "Cheryl Harwell Bailey" 

Proposal

Proposal did not begin for the most part until the Middle Ages. The clan patriarch or chief prior to the Middle Ages arranged marriages. Example, the grandfather of the groom signed a contract with the grandfather of the bride and organized the betrothal and wedding. Sometimes the bride and groom did not meet until the wedding ceremony. As little as 150 years ago in North America the great Native American Indian tribes practiced this custom. Even today in some remote corners of the globe this custom is still practiced in our modern world.

By the middle ages, Christianized countries began to allow the joy of courtship and “falling in love," to be the rule rather than the exception.

In 1902 my husband’s great grandfather wrote a beautiful
 letter of proposal to his ladylove. 
He used a brand new "mother of pearl" pen to write the letter. 
He enclosed the pen with the letter that stated, 
“If you accept my proposal, please "write" your answer with the enclosed "pen,"
 Please send the "pen," back to me with your gracious reply."
 The lovely mother of pearl pen
 has never been used to write any other words
 except his proposal and her acceptance. 
It has been handed down to each generation since.

I am sure every family has had proposal stories passed down
 from generation to generation.

How to Propose

The majority of grooms all have one thing in common, “How to Propose." The gentleman who is an unabashed romantic, to the fellow who is known for his rejection of anything remotely romantic. Even he gives in to getting down on one knee, and holding up the little velvet box with the “diamond inside."

Love melts even the most “Mocho Man."

Proposal stories are so numerous;  Go to any restaurant, and the waitresses could tell you of silver domes being lifted, to reveal, a little velvet box, or a diamond ring sticking up from the center of a piece of pie or cake.

Over the intercom at the football stadium, by an airplane in the air with a proposal banner flowing behind, some dressed in a Prince costume riding a white horse, Billboards on busy highways, even some under the sea or skydiving. 
Proposals are endless in our modern world.

As far back in history as the time of Moses, there are historic records of the betrothal.
 In the book of Genesis, Jacob was engaged to Rachel for fourteen years.

"The Ancient Hebrew Betrothal"

1. The prospective bridegroom took the initiative and traveled from his father’s house to the home of the prospective bride.  (Ephesians 5:25-28)

2. The father of the woman negotiated with the prospective bridegroom the price that must be paid to purchase his bride (groom’s financial responsibility). (I Corinthians 6:19-20)

3. When the bridegroom paid the purchase price, the marriage covenant was thereby established. At that point the man and woman were regarded to be husband and wife, even though no physical union had taken place. (Ephesians 5:25-27)

4. The moment the covenant was established, the bride was declared to be set apart exclusively for the bridegroom. The groom and the bride then drank from a cup over which the betrothal benediction had been pronounced. This symbolized that the covenant relationship had been established.

(I Corinthians 11:25)

5. After the marriage covenant was in effect, the groom left the home of the bride and returned to his father’s house. He remained there for a period of twelve months, separated from his bride. (John 6:62)

6. During this period of separation the bride gathered her wardrobe and prepared for married life. The groom prepared living accommodations in his father’s house for his bride. (John 14:2)

7. After this period of separation the groom, best man, and other male escorts left the house of the groom’s father usually at night, and conducted a torch light procession through the street singing and playing instruments. The entire village knew a groom was on his way to get his bride. (John 14:3)

8. The bride was expecting her groom to come for her; however, she did not know the exact time. Thus, the groom’s arrival was preceded by a shout, singing and dancing. (I Thessalonians 4:16)

9. The groom received the bride with her female attendants and returned to his father’s house. (I Thessalonians 4:14-17)

10. The bride and groom then entered the bridal chamber and, in the privacy of that place, entered into physical union for the first time, thereby consummation of the marriage. (I Thessalonians 4:17)

Jesus spoke of such a wedding n Matthew 25:1-12

“Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, who took their lamps, and went fourth to meet the bridegroom? And five of them were wise, and five were foolish, they that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for you, and us but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage; and the door was shut. 

Breaking The News To Your Families.

The perceptive groom should ask your father for your hand in marriage. Most fathers really appreciate this. He will have more respect for his future son-in-law for being a gentleman. Your father will heartily shake his hand, hug his neck, and hopefully congratulate him with a warm welcome to your family.

If your father is deceased, the fiancée should speak to your mother, stepfather, or guardian. If your parents are divorced, he can first visit one parent and then the other.

Be prepared for inquiring minds. Don’t be surprised if your parents ask questions such as; “What are you career goals for the future? Where will you live? What church will you attend?”

Your families should be the first to hear the good new of your engagement.

The Groom should tell his parents privately and not in front of the Bride-to be. They then can allow their feelings to be expressed. They will either be happy or have reservations. Then later he should have an intimate time to talk to his parents. They will hug and kiss you with congratulations, and welcome you to their family.

Traditionally the Groom’s parents call on the

Bride-to-be parent’s so they can meet one another and become aquatinted. If they fail to do so, then the bride-to-be parent’s should call the groom’s parents. This is essential; you are all going to be together for the rest of your lives. One big (hopefully) happy family. They will have so much to discuss.

Should either of you have children, you certainly will not want them to hear the news from anyone else, so be sure you tell them first. Helping your fiancée to get to know the children should take top priority.

During the “engagement” most couples desire each other's company every waking moment.

Now the two of you can begin to tell everyone. Your friends, family, co-workers, and fellow students.

In our busy lives, the future bride and groom are more than likely working jobs, having careers, and going to college.

Planning is the key to making your wedding day exactly what you want it to be, organizing your big day may seem like am overwhelming task, but with organization and smart thinking you can make certain you enjoy your “engagement”, not just the “wedding day.”

This is the time to make important decisions, but there are people to help you do what needs to be accomplished.

Professional Consultants, Clergy, Family and friends. Go to the stationery or bookstore and purchase a wedding planner to help you expedite and organize, so you will have time to enjoy your “engagement.”

The bride’s family (parents) should have a party, luncheon, or dinner to formerly announce the engagement.

The engagement should also be announced in the newspaper of the bridegrooms’ hometown or city. A picture of the couple should accompany the newspaper announcement.

Engagement Announcements can also be sent to family and friends, especially those who do not live close enough to attend the engagement party, and will not see your newspaper announcements.

This is the time you will decide where you will live. You will be in the preliminary stages of setting up you first home together. “Building the Nest."

Filling out transfers, legal documents, getting a family doctor, dentist, telephone, utilities, (a good water system)

This is the time to plan your wedding and your honeymoon. Yes, you will be busy bee!

1. Formally ask her Father for her hand.

2. Break the news to your families.

3. Shops for the Engagement Ring.

4. Set the wedding date.

5. Have formal Engagement pictures professionally made.

6. Break the news to your friends, boss, and co-workers.

7. Have Engagement party.

8. Formally announce your Engagement.

9. Send Engagement announcement and Engagement picture to the newspapers.

10. Ask friends and family to be in your wedding.

11. Register for wedding gifts.

12. Hire a Bridal Consultant.

The History of "Wedding Rings"

The Hebrews are credited in history to have invented the concept of “Engagement," and “Engagement Rings.”

The first rings were ten coins. They were placed or a headband, to be worn a top the veil.

The first “Engagement Rings” functioned as a financial payment for the bride. It also was a symbol of her being “spoken for” as it is today. The ancient cultures such as the “Hebrews” and the “Egyptians” wore “Engagement Rings”. The “Hebrews” on the forefinger, the Egyptians on the 3rd finger, because they believed the main vein of the heart led directly to that finger. The purpose of the “Engagement Ring” was to seal the “Betrothal.” 
During the dark ages,

one “Engagement Ring” was very unusual. It was called a “Gimmal Ring”. It was a set of 3 interlocking rings, for the bride, the groom and a family member, friend or witness. Each wore a ring from the set until the wedding ceremony, and then all 3 rings were united as a single ring for the bride to wear as her wedding rings for always.

Before 1477 women were not permitted to wear rings with jewels on them. But the Archduke of Austria changed all that forever. His name was Mazimillan Hapsburg. He found himself in desperate need to cement an alliance with Mary of Burgundy, to keep his countries borders safe, when he returned to battle, in a war that was ragging. Exercising his royal authority, he surprised Mary with the only ring that was there at the time. It was a diamond ring. Little did he dream, that he started the beginning of something “BIG”! For over 500 years the solitary diamond ring has been the quintessential “engagement ring” because of its beauty and durability. The diamond's fire is defined as loves clear flame. Millions of proposals have been spoken accompanied by this very precious “engagement ring”. There is no object on earth or in history that is associated more with “The Engagement."

The South African diamond mines had not been discovered until the 19th century, so diamonds bought before the 19th century were very costly.

Did you know that when "The Hope Diamond” was donated to the Smithsonian Institute in 1958 it was sent “Registered Mail” and arrived in a plain brown paper wrapper marked “Fragile”? (The Hope diamond is one of the largest in the world.)

When you choose your diamond, remember the four C’s, cut, clarity, color, and carat. Cut is the shape of the stone. If the stone has been skillfully cut it will show the gems natural beauty. If the diamond has been scratched, or nicked, the value is diminished.

History has favored four cuts because these cuts show the stone's fire and brilliance. They are the emerald, the pear, the marquise and the brilliant. A highly skilled gem cutter is a must.

Karat, - The word comes from ancient India. Karat means the weight of the stone. The word karat derives from the “carob tree” which bore seeds of such perfect weight that the seeds became the standard for measuring weight of gems.

Colored diamonds look colorless to the professional eye, but if examined they can have a yellowish blackish, or a brownish tint. Please remember the less color in the diamond, the more expensive it is. Priceless. The more color, the more the value is diminished.

Clarity, means flawless, and the more flawless it is, the clearer it is. The more flawless the diamond is, the more expensive it will be to purchase, because of its rarity.

Cracks are called “feathers” or “inclusions." The fewer cracks there are, the clearer the diamond. The only way however, to detect cracks, cloudiness, or any other flaw is under intense magnification.

Flaws of any kind block the passage of light and fire.

If The Bride Chooses Her BirthStone

January   Garnet or Zircon - Constancy and Fidelity

February   Amethyst - Power

March    Aquamarine or Bloodstone - Bravery and Wisdom

April   Diamond - Purity and Innocence

May    Emerald - Loyalty and Friendship

June    Pearl - Good Health and Beauty

July   Ruby - Nobility and Courage

August   Sardonyx or Carnelian - Marital Happiness

September   Sapphire - Truth and Sincerity

October   Opal or Moonstone - Fearlessness and Consistency

November   Topaz - Strength and Cheerfulness

December   Turquoise or Lapis, Lazuli - Prosperity and Success

  

“Oh finger with the circlet slight

That keeps it warm and cozy

Wee winsome third left handed doight

So white and warm and rosy

More taper digits there may be

More lips may kiss and cling on

This tiny fingers best to me

The one I put the ring on”

In “India”, the “Middle East”, “Asia”, and “Africa,” nose rings, earrings' anklets, bracelets and finger rings were used as symbols of marriage. They were always circular. Most of the worlds' civilizations were poor, so the wedding ring was a crude, hand-made object; nonetheless, these crude tokens of marriage were just as cherished as our beautiful wedding rings of today.

About four thousand years ago, metals such as iron began to be used for even the common folk. Steel, brass, copper, and silver, came later. 

Metal was a symbol of promise and trust forever. The metal used during the middle ages was usually silver. They believed silver represented harmony and love. Gold was not widely used until the 18^th century.

During the time of “Christ” the “Jewish” brides and grooms also did something different. In the “Gospel of Luke”, “Jesus” tells the story of the “Lost Coin." When a young woman was betrothed she was given ten silver coins (Drachma) equal to a “Roman” penny of that time. These ten shiny new silver coins were to be worn on a circlet-wedding headpiece, on top of her wedding veil, on her wedding day. All ten had to be worn or the engagement was over. She was thought irresponsible if even one was lost. This was truly a unique type of wedding band, a circlet headpiece. Each of the ten coins represented something very sacred. “Jesus” says in “Luke 15:8-10 Either what woman having ten piece of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? When she hath found it, she called her friends and her neighbors together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece, which I had lost. Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth."

It is even conceivable that the “Virgin Mary” wore this type of circlet headpiece when she married “Joseph.”

During the “Roman Era” the wedding ring was a “key” but also a ring. Actually it was shaped like this. The key ring was given to formally announce the betrothal (ancient world for engagement). The “Bride” was not allowed to wear it on her finger until her wedding day, when the groom would slip it on during the ceremony. The key unlocked the “BOX” containing her new husband's wealth.

In the 13^th century “Hallmark” wedding rings, were invented for the very elite who could afford sliver. The silversmiths would press a series of four symbols or letters into the sliver while it was hot, to show it had been tested for purity and passed the test.

“The ring is round

And hath no end

So is my love

Unto my friend”

16^th century verse. 

During the 16^th & 17^th century “Posey Rings” were the trend. These wedding bands always came with a very romantic inscription engraved inside the band. Both men and woman were allowed this luxury. The bands became wider and thicker to accommodate these messages. “In thee I find content of mind” so say’s the inside of one such “Posey band” that exits to this day, in very good condition. Some rings were opened to reveal a secret compartment, for a lock of hair.

The practice of engraving the inside of the bands did not begin with the “Posey Rings." It started during the “Byzantine Era,” but was not widespread until the 16^th century.

During the reign of “King Henry” the 8^th, the rich would put precious stones or gems in the wedding rings. The custom still exists today. We as a culture use diamond rings usually a solitaire, to symbolize the engagement.

In Europe they use several different gemstones but it's most always a solitaire.

In the 1800 “Queen Victoria” wore a plain gold band; but it was very wide and thick. The plain gold band has been popular for centuries, and is still the overall choice today.

Your Ring:

First you must determine the type of metal you want. You and your spouse should opt for, a metal of the same karat. Gold is the most popular because of its value and quality. The colors of gold are, gold and silver, (white gold) and platinum.

We measure gold’s purity by karats.

24 karat gold -- 99% pure, 14 karat.

22 karat gold 91.6% pure, 10 karat.

Rings come in a wide variety of styles and prices. They can be bought from jewelers, jewelry stores, or major chain stores such as (Macy’s).

You can even design your own, or choose an antique. Some couples choose to have their ring's custom designed. Remember, many couples in our modern society are still doing engraving the inside of the band with a message of love.

Jewelers recommend that you have rings professionally cleaned at least twice a year.

Once a month you can clean them yourself. Soak them in warm soapy water. Gently brush them with a soft brush to remove stubborn dirt, and then let them dry on a soft cloth. Never use silver cleaner or powders. Your jeweler will probably give you special cleaner perfect for the job.

Remember that chlorine and salt water can dull or even damage the gold. Protect your rings by wearing gloves when gardening, using cleaning chemicals, or detergents. Use good judgment to keep this most cherished possession from harsh damage.

To keep your rings looking their best, take them to the jeweler you purchased them from if possible. He could make sure you keep that shine, and check it for dents or scratches that are not visible to the naked eye. With proper care it will look as great as the day he slipped it on your finger and you said “With this ring, I thee wed."

You will wear these rings for the rest of your lives so make certain to find a reputable jeweler. Many are kind and will have a large selection with in your price range. Be sure to try on all different styles to find that fantasy ring of your dreams. Get the one that looks and fits the best.

To allow plenty of time for the sizing, the wedding rings should be purchased early on. I suggest 6 to 8 months prior to the wedding. Before you sign a contract, or buy the rings obtain insurance, in case anything should damage the rings, or stones fall out. Make sure you get a written and signed warranty before you sign the contract. The warranty is for a lifetime.

The “wedding ring” is historically the oldest symbol on earth of everlasting love. It was, and still is, given, as the highest and most romantic expression of endless love. The ring has endured for thousands of years as the visible outward token of marital love. Even today one can spot with a glance, a married person, by this small circular piece.

Historically the unbroken circle has always signified eternal commitment and love.

The common folk fashioned rings out of woven grasses or hemp. They wore these wedding rings on their fore finger, wrist or ankle. The wealthy “Jews”, such as “Abraham” could afford a ring fashioned of metal.

The ring was an indication of the “Grooms” financial status. It was also a sign of ownership.

Archaeologists have even discovered wedding rings in the left hand of mummified peoples of ancient “Egypt”. The “Egyptians” are credited with wearing wedding rings on the third finger of the left hand. Remember they believed that a main blood vein or artery went directly from this finger to the heart. The wedding ring on this finger also represented the transfer of a mans wealth to his new wife. 

All primitive cultures wore some type of wedding ring.

Written by, Cheryl Harwell Bailey, June 8, 2012