I married, three days after I turned 18, to the
most wonderful preacher in the whole world.
We loved working for God, and were very optimistic about everything.
Five days before our second anniversary,
we had our first child.
A beautiful baby girl.
I had a perfect pregnancy for nine months.
Not once did I worry anything could happen.
When I walked into the hospital that day,
I didn't expect to leave the next day with empty arms.
On March 30, 1973 she was born.
She was perfect, with a head full of golden curls.
It was the happiest day of my life.
The next day would mark my 20th Birthday.
She was the ultimate "gift!"
Before sunrise the nurse came into my room.
She said, "there is a problem with your baby."
That was the most frightening & desperate moment of my life.
I prayed like I never prayed before.
As she grew worse, I wanted to die. I bargained with God.
I became a beggar.
"Take me instead!”
I, who rescued everything that crawled,
could do nothing to help my sweet baby.
She was 12 hours old when she died.
The day I turned 20.
This was and is, the saddest day of my life.
My mother fixed her hair and dressed her for her funeral.
My Grandmother bought a little white casket.
We buried her in a heart shaped graveyard, for babies.
We named her
“Angel.”
Our mothers dismantled the nursery we took such joy in.
“Angel” was the first child, first grandchild on both sides.
This is all true.
It sounds like a "Greek Tragedy.”
Today, our “Angel Baby" would have been 40 years old.
She is waiting for us.
I look upon this now, as a time when my emotions were the deepest of my life,
going from sheer ecstasy to blackest agony.
She was and is my child. “I love & miss you Angel."
Soon and very soon, you will fly into my arms.
You made it possible for me to love deeply, those who suffer loss.
You are a glimmer of the eternal.
You are, a glimpse of Heaven.
We loved working for God, and were very optimistic about everything.
Five days before our second anniversary,
we had our first child.
A beautiful baby girl.
I had a perfect pregnancy for nine months.
Not once did I worry anything could happen.
When I walked into the hospital that day,
I didn't expect to leave the next day with empty arms.
On March 30, 1973 she was born.
She was perfect, with a head full of golden curls.
It was the happiest day of my life.
The next day would mark my 20th Birthday.
She was the ultimate "gift!"
Before sunrise the nurse came into my room.
She said, "there is a problem with your baby."
That was the most frightening & desperate moment of my life.
I prayed like I never prayed before.
As she grew worse, I wanted to die. I bargained with God.
I became a beggar.
"Take me instead!”
I, who rescued everything that crawled,
could do nothing to help my sweet baby.
She was 12 hours old when she died.
The day I turned 20.
This was and is, the saddest day of my life.
My mother fixed her hair and dressed her for her funeral.
My Grandmother bought a little white casket.
We buried her in a heart shaped graveyard, for babies.
We named her
“Angel.”
Our mothers dismantled the nursery we took such joy in.
“Angel” was the first child, first grandchild on both sides.
This is all true.
It sounds like a "Greek Tragedy.”
Today, our “Angel Baby" would have been 40 years old.
She is waiting for us.
I look upon this now, as a time when my emotions were the deepest of my life,
going from sheer ecstasy to blackest agony.
She was and is my child. “I love & miss you Angel."
Soon and very soon, you will fly into my arms.
You made it possible for me to love deeply, those who suffer loss.
You are a glimmer of the eternal.
You are, a glimpse of Heaven.
